They can be surprising, amusing or downright terrifying, but they grab your attention with a tantalizing glimpse into the future. They're bogus trend stories, and more and more of them are appearing in the nation's newspapers, TV news shows and web sites.

In a country where body art and body modification are suddenly all the rage, the most popular tattoo design is the Chinese symbol for "unique," according to a new survey.

An emotional plea by local resident Barry Shaeffer failed to revive his dying girlfriend Elaine Summers at the scene of a major car accident, witnesses say. Shaeffer's passionate appeal for his lover's survival artfully illustrated his enduring love for her, but did not dissuade her from dying minutes later.

Local resident Gary Hill reportedly has a "killer, side-splitting" joke about soccer phenomenon David Beckham, but is saving it for "someone who will really appreciate it," friends and neighbors say.

In a surprise twist to the hit reality TV series The Apprentice, half the show's remaining contestants have been abruptly dismissed and their positions given to competing reality show contestants in India, startled viewers have learned.

In a business dominated by cold sales figures, powerful record companies and monotonous radio playlists, last night's Grammy awards gave the music industry a rare opportunity to look beyond the pop charts to honor obscure artists with unique, groundbreaking musical voices.

Pop star Michael Jackson will use the controversial 'celebrity insanity' defense in his upcoming child molestation trial, sources say. Symptoms of the disease include an obsession with physical appearance, extreme vanity, and completely losing touch with reality.

The Sci-Fi Channel's upcoming remake of the 1978 series Battlestar Galactica will suck in new and innovative ways, while maintaining the original's general spirit of crappiness, filmmakers say.

Local meteorology student Kenneth Becker had his dreams shattered today when he received a failing grade in his all-important Introduction to Gesturing class, making it unlikely that he will ever achieve his goal of becoming a TV weatherman, sources say.

The long-awaited Matrix Revolutions, which opened in theaters nationwide on Wednesday, has been officially declared a partial-birth abortion and therefore in violation of the recently enacted Partial Birth Abortion Ban of 2003, authorities say.

A fan of Bravo's hit show Queer Eye for the Straight Guy is suing the network, claming that repeated viewing of the show turned him into a homosexual, sources say. The plaintiff, 32-year-old Manhattan resident John Elron, is seeking $2 million for pain and suffering, punitive damages, and "lost reproductive opportunity."

Even after decades of supposed progress in equality of the sexes, men are still lazy, obnoxious, ungrateful jerks, a new study shows.

The wildly popular sitcom Friends, which has now entered its final season, will spawn six spinoff series, each featuring one of the original Friends characters, according to a spokesman for NBC.

Stock Market Tumbles, Alan Greenspan Has Panic Attack

Immortal Minion Of Evil Says, "I Deserved Better"

Struggling Actor Seeks To Reignite Old Flame

New Sequel Will 'Up The Ante' With Pair Of Sexy Robotic Assassins

Weekly World News Reporter's Work Was 'Riddled With Facts'

Reality Getting Stranger, Threatens To Overshadow Satire

Popular Search Engine Likes To Spruce Up Home Page With Graphics For Special Occasions; Impending War No Exception

Google Searches for "Tits," "Boobies" Yield Birds, Not Breasts

Network To Build On Success of Joe Millionaire With First of Many 'Edgier' Joe-Themed Series

Contrary to expectations, most users of the World Wide Web have no interest in reviving friendships with their retarded former classmates, web site Classmates.com reported today.

Persistent Motorist Knows Something, Somewhere Has To Break

New Feature Promises Greater Convenience, Safety

Observers Blame Economy, Terrorism for Lack of Interest in Political Eroticism

Public Eagerly Awaits Unprecedented Ice Cream Goodness

Explanation Sought For Rare, Bizarre Technological Glitch

Portable Music Device Cited for Flashy Design, Ease of Use, Smugness

Public Libido Remains Maddeningly Unsatisfied

Extraterrestrials Describe Humanity's Crowning Achievement as "Lame," "Pathetic"

Victim Suffers Abdominal Pains, Begs Local Physician for Treatment

Pro Wrestler’s Culinary Skills Largely Unappreciated

Berry, Washington Bring Home Oscars; Racial Equality Restored